For the past few weeks I have basically felt in a schedule limbo. And what I am about to say may come across as whiny and if so, I am sorry if it does... I am trying so hard to find contentment in the moments when I crave what I do not have.
This lake is less than a mile from my house and after driving by for years and never stopping, earlier this Summer I stopped...just to take it in. I often forget to do just that
Extensive travelling can be exhausting. My house feels in disarray, my friends seem like strangers and there are so many endless errands I need to catch up on and oh yea, tomorrow is back to Boston. In the last 8 weeks I have been home one weekend and only 19 days total.
and I don't even want to start on my October, November and December trips.
And yes, I get how awesome it is. I love the places we get to see and explore. and that we can afford the opportunity to do so. But it also means we have to do so frequently because so many of our friends live far away and with the exception of my lovely cousin, Brandy, none of our family is close. So in order to see them, we have to travel to participate in life events. and that means forgoing the monotonous details of regular life that can often be taken for granted.
Sometimes I just want to have no plans, I want last minute pop up decisions. I want to be a regular attender of my own church instead of visiting All of God's houses in the known land. I want to have karaoke nights whenever instead of planning to meet my local friends for dinner or lunch a whole month out. Because that is my life right now. And when I am home, Wiki is working. Leaving way before the sun comes up and often coming home way after it has set. Travelling for meetings and overseeing new construction. and so my life is about the opposite of order.
And there is another reason we travel. We don't have kids. Sometimes I think I use the travel as an escape from that knowledge. Perhaps if I keep myself busy, I won't concentrate so much on the days that aren't filled with the pitter patter of little feet. That the extra room at our house that would fit a crib so perfectly doesn't yet. I am not sure. Do we ever really know even our own intentions...fully.
I just feel in limbo. and actually I am not complaining or whining because I do love the travel. and it means seeing some of my favorite people. I simply wish there was more time to balance both.
I am blessed with a life some would kill for. I have an amazing husband. I have family and friends who truly love and care about me.I live in an amazing area with tones to do(if only I was around;) And for the most part I am satisfied.
Limbo isn't always bad...I just need to figure out how to grab hold to my now moments and appreciate them for when they are gone...I will miss them.